ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Randomize
