All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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