oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
