I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
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