You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
