Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
