I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Watching her eat just hurts me
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
