my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
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this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
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What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
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