I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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