saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
only if we run a train.
done.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
