using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
