I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
