i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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