so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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