I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
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The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
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She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
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