i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
