I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
