at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
