We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
