no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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