I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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