"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
