I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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