I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
In other news, I just burned my penis
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Randomize
