why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I wish you could order shots online.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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