My brain says no but my pants say off.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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