I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Randomize
