and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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