What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
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Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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