You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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