Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Randomize
