Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
It's never too late to be topless.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Randomize
