her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
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