I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
