either way he was missing a nipple.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
