Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Randomize
