Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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