he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
