if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
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