he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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