Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
