You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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