thus making me awesome and them whores
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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