hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
