you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
