he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
