I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
ok first of all what the fuck
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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