you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
We're too hungover to prance.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
He shit in the fireplace
Randomize
