So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
