whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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