I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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