even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
