What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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