Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Randomize
