you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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