Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Randomize
