Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
