Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
