Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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