I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
You brought string cheese to the strip club
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
