as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
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