Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
