Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
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