i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
being pregnant is like rehab
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
