It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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