please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
